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Doremonboss · June 28, 2017

One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.

Kxngz · June 28, 2017

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide, the librarian said "f**k off you won't bring it back"

castix · June 28, 2017

When you wait 4 years for AOT season 2 just to find out that it has only 12 episodes and at least 1 year wait to next season's release

Esperavo · June 28, 2017

My best fidget spinner trick is disappointing my parents

Deathlok · June 28, 2017

You

Tituspj · June 28, 2017

Why can't you fool an aborted baby?

Because it wasn't born yesterday

Joka · June 28, 2017

1 hour ago, KDB2003 said:

i was gonna tell you a joke about my dik but its too long.

you dont even have a dik

A7md · June 28, 2017

few days ago I was driving back to my house, I started thinking what did I forget, then I freaked out when I didn't find my car's keys. 5 seconds later I realized how stupid I am.

xRenamon · June 28, 2017

Lady came into my restaurant the other day angry, slamming a box on the front counter register " what's the problem ma'am? " I asked. She said " I ordered these cookies and they were cold! I said I wanted a tote! A tote is supposed to be fresh!! " she yelled in my face. I look down and feel the cookies, I begin counting them and there was only 9 in the box. I told her " Ok no problem, we will bake you 9 fresh cookies " I replied calmly. Lady starting freaking out and yelled louder at me " a tote has 13 cookies! " she screamed at the top of her lungs as spit flew into my face. I look back down and recount " yes ma'am but there's only 9 in here, how long ago did you order? " I replied. Lady stares me dead in the eye " one and a half hours ago " she said calmly. I look at the managers, " so she ordered cookies an hour ago and complains just now that they are cold " managers go behind the monitors and start busting out laughing. I smile at the lady and I slowly tilt my hand and the entire box falls in the trash beside me. Lady looks at me like I'm crazy. I told her " you didn't expect a dozen more cookies plus these ones did you? Make a new batch for the lady! Next customer " I yelled back at the crew, as I proceeded to help someone else.

This is is not a joke, this was my late night shift