Make Me Laugh, Win VIP. :)

[Rook 559.2k Donor]

A joke? This topic.

[criadlr 10]

My girlfriend and I had sex a couple of days ago. 

She looked at me and said , "Turn the light off and stick it in my butt" 

i guess I should have waited for the bulb to cool off first. 

???

Updated June 28, 2017 by criadlr
Grammatical errors

[xRenamon 72]

When I was younger I wanted a hamster, so I went to the swap meet and I found a weird looking Latino guy selling hamsters. He looked trust worthy I asked " how much for the pair of hamsters? " he smiled and replied " I usually sell them for 15$ but for you 10$ " I smile and hand him a 10$ bill and I take the hamsters home with me. Night passed and I looked inside the hamsters cage and see tiny brown balls. I assumed they were feces and proceeded to try to take them out of the cage. I then get bit by a hamster and i start freaking out. The balls roll over and they are baby hamsters. I was in awe at the babies, I was just about to take a picture when all of a sudden one of the hamsters started eating the babies! I was shocked! " Why are you doing that! " I tried taking the baby out of the hamsters mouth as it ran out of the cage, it had killed all the babies. I found the hamsters that had the babies and placed them in a bag. I proceeded to return the hamsters to the same guy that sold them and he said " sorry no refunds " I stare him dead in the eye and say " look man, you didn't sell me no damn hamsters you sold me spawns of Satan! Take them back or I will unleash them on the other hamsters! "

 

Long story short i got I got my refund and a free hamster

[Omnivers 24]

It is Mia Khalifa who says: "I'm not sure. I'm HIV positive."

 

 

[eddy111222 0]

 

---

Where  Did The Cat Go After Losing  Its Tail ? 

 

To The Retail Store

 

A Cop Pulls Me Over Says Stop Your Eyes Look Red You been Smokin Weed ? Replied  

When It Becomes Green, Tell Me To Walk

 

 

---

[stevef08 1]

What is the difference between an Arab and an owl? Any, they sleep by day and fly at night Kappa

[SpanishCat 9]

Here's how to twerk! ? You arch you back outwards like this ?❗️ Then inwards like this ? ❗️Now do it faster‼️‼️

Like this: ?❗️?❗️?❗️?❗️?❗️?❗️?❗️?❗️?❗️?❗️?❗️?❗️?❗️?❗️?❗️?❗️?

Now you learned how to twerk. ??

[xRenamon 72]

Teacher asked me once what XIV meant. I couldn't read roman numerials so I shrugged it off. She got mad at me and told me to give her an answer. I told her I didn't know. She she told me to study it tonight before bed. I came back the next morning and she said " how'd you do? " I told her "I'm gonna ace my test today!" She smiled at me and said " good luck " as she handed me the test. 2 minutes passed and I was the first in the class to finish the test. I bring it back to the teacher and she tries to open the pages of the test pecket. They are sealed tightly shut " did you glue this? " she asked. I said " No Ma'am. " she looks at me confused " then why is it stuck together " she asked. I smiled and said " you told me to study so I did, i studied from XIV all the way to XXX " I stare her dead in the eye " I can teach you a thing or two ya know "

Updated June 28, 2017 by xRenamon

[Jumadas 891]

I want a car and i know god can give it to me but i know god doesn't work like that so i stole a bike and ask for forgiveness instead. ????

[reqzifyreqz 3.3k]

Me and my Dad have been playing hide and seek since the age of 4 loool (I think im winning )