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ZebediahCross · March 1, 2016

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter. In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc. Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state. Over the next few minutes she heard of the ravages of financial ruin caused by corporate down sizing and it's effects on a 50 year old executive. Calmly, she handed him a bank book showing deposits and interest for 12 years totaling nearly $1 million dollars. Pointing across the parking lot she gestured toward the local bank while handing him stock certificates worth nearly $2 million dollars and informing him that he was the largest stockholder in the bank. She told him that for 30 years she had charged him each time they had sex, and this was the result of her investments. By now he was distraught and beating his head against the side of the car. She asked him why the disappointment at such good news and he replied, "If I had known what you were doing, I would have given you all of my business!"

And.......

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."

chewyblues · March 2, 2016

Trump actually ran for president as a joke but he thought it would be even more of a joke if he's elected as President if he could convince the people of America with Dtrump logics and humor such as building a wall around America.Imagine what he'll do to Muslim countries,he'll just build a dome right over them

LoFii · March 2, 2016

I have some jokes.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home is,

What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?

Usain Bolt can finish a race.

What's the best part about having sex with twenty four year olds? There's twenty of them.

hevin664 · March 2, 2016

You know, you have to be single and really happy to go for a walk. You have to be even happier to feed pidgeons. Have you tried feeding pidgeons in a relationship? You be feeding them and then your baby calls you all mad that you ain't home saying "what you doing??" And you all like "IM FEEDING PIDGEONS!" And she's like "NO YOU AIN'T, PUT THE PIDGEONS ON THE PHONE!"

You put the pidgeons on the phone and she like "THOSE AIN'T NO GOSH DARN PIDGEONS! TELL THAT BISH, THAT WHEN I SEE HER IMMA SLAP HER WITH A PIDGEON SO SHE CAN SEE WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE."

hope you like it

AuckFndroid · March 2, 2016

There were once 5 autistic men. In life they each had one job and only learned to say one word. The first man was a professional states witness and learned to say "he did it, he did it". The second man worked at a candy store and learned to say "goody goody gumdrops". The third man was a singer and learned to sing "me me me me me me me me me". The fourth man worked at a restaurant and learned to say "forks and knives". The last man was a tv repairman and learned to say "plug it in, plug it in". So, after a while they were all charged with murder. The judge started out saying the details of the case. The first man was asked who killed the man. He pointed at the second man and exclaimed "he did it, he did it". The second man was told that he was being blamed for murder, to which he exclaimed " goody goody gumdrops". The third man was asked who the accomplice to the murder was. All he said was, "me me me me me me me me". The fourth man was asked what weapon was used to kill the man. He said "Forks and knives, forks and knives." The last man was told that he could go to the electric chair for killing the man. He got excited and all he said was, "plug it in, plug it in"