Make Me Laugh, Win VIP. :)

[Doremonboss 21]

One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison. 

[Kxngz 0]

A man went into a library  and asked for a book on how to commit suicide, the librarian said "f**k off you won't bring it back"

[castix 18.5k]

When you wait 4 years for AOT season 2 just to find out that it has only 12 episodes and at least 1 year wait to next season's release  

[Esperavo 6]

My best fidget spinner trick is disappointing my parents

 

[Deathlok 2.2k]

You

[Tituspj 0]

Why can't you fool an aborted baby?

Because it wasn't born yesterday 

[Joka 2.8k]

1 hour ago, KDB2003 said:

i was gonna tell you a joke about my dik but its too long.

you dont even have a dik

[A7md 0]

few days ago I was driving back to my house, I started thinking what did I forget, then I freaked out when I didn't find my car's keys. 5 seconds later I realized how stupid I am.

[xRenamon 72]

Lady came into my restaurant the other day angry, slamming a box on the front counter register " what's the problem ma'am? " I asked. She said " I ordered these cookies and they were cold! I said I wanted a tote! A tote is supposed to be fresh!! " she yelled in my face. I look down and feel the cookies, I begin counting them and there was only 9 in the box. I told her " Ok no problem, we will bake you 9 fresh cookies " I replied calmly. Lady starting freaking out and yelled louder at me " a tote has 13 cookies! " she screamed at the top of her lungs as spit flew into my face. I look back down and recount " yes ma'am but there's only 9 in here, how long ago did you order? " I replied. Lady stares me dead in the eye " one and a half hours ago " she said calmly. I look at the managers, " so she ordered cookies an hour ago and complains just now that they are cold " managers go behind the monitors and start busting out laughing. I smile at the lady and I slowly tilt my hand and the entire box falls in the trash beside me. Lady looks at me like I'm crazy. I told her " you didn't expect a dozen more cookies plus these ones did you? Make a new batch for the lady! Next customer " I yelled back at the crew, as I proceeded to help someone else. 

 

This is is not a joke, this was my late night shift 

[Nyaaa 55]

Whats white on the top and black on the bottom?

Spoiler

Our society