Spotify 15 Premium Accounts Giveaway! [ENDED]

[gankoba 130]

1. An old couple are sitting in the living room when the old lady says, "Let's go upstairs and f@ck!" The old man replies, "I don't think I can do both!"

 

2. You know how to make holy water? You take some regular water and you boil the hell out of it.

 

3. A girl runs up to her father. She says, "Daddy, Daddy, I need fifty dollars." He says, "Forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?"

[GCudi 0]

My son came home from school today and he told me that you taught him what a penis is. He said he walked in and asked, "Daddy, whats that?" You replied, "That, son, is a penis. But not just any penis, it's a perfect penis." So your son went to school the next day, pulled his pants down, and told his friends, "My daddy told me this is a penis. And if it was 6 centimeters shorter, it'd be a perfect penis."

 

Even if I don't win, I'd like feedback.????

[cgough83 3]

thx

[Foodstamps 3]

I don't want an account, but good luck to everyone that enters this contest.

 

Also thank you so much for contributing to the community.

[p0pinLinux 4]

Me me me me!! Begging ????????

[p0pinLinux 4]

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!'' ????????

[miraz107 0]

Tim and Jack a bit drunk and trying to sleep..

 

Tim: Jack can you see its night or morning ?

 

Jack stood up and trying to look outside from the window..

 

Jack: I cant see anything. Its so dark outside...

 

Tim: ( a bit angry) stupid why dont you using your torch to look...

[mimi 18]

1)
'want to hear a word i just made up?'

 

plagiarism

 

 

2)
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!' The man says:

 

'You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.

 

 

3)
'I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

 

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

 

[Jan Deniel 29]

1. Cop: "Did you kill this man?"

Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

2. Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"

*Nobody stands up*

Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"

*Little Johnny stands up*

Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"

Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

3. Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!

911: Alright, What is it?

Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!

911: So what's your emergency?

Boy: The ugly one is winning.

[Aeronniel 1]

1. Wife says to her husband "Do I look fat in this dress?"

    Husband replies "Do I look stupid in this shirt?"

 

2. What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

    A Carrot.

 

3. Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To show the possum how it's done.