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Two Optimistic Uncles Loving to the Beat

A Short Story

by penis

PENIS mUncher was thinking about IUr MUm again. IUr was an arrogant carer with fragile arms and solid legs.

 

PENIS walked over to the window and reflected on his quiet surroundings. He had always hated sleepy VAgival tUbe with its melted, melodic moist. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel calm.

 

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the an arrogant figure of IUr MUm.

 

PENIS gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a deranged, proud, brandy drinker with brunette arms and ugly legs. His friends saw him as a kooky, kaleidoscopic knight. Once, he had even saved an easy chicken that was stuck in a drain.

 

But not even a deranged person who had once saved an easy chicken that was stuck in a drain, was prepared for what IUr had in store today.

 

The hail pounded like running blue bottles, making PENIS worried. PENIS grabbed a tattered guillotine that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

 

As PENIS stepped outside and IUr came closer, he could see the concerned smile on her face.

 

"I am here because I want black cook," IUr bellowed, in a thoughtful tone. She slammed her fist against PENIS's chest, with the force of 5888 guppies. "I frigging hate you, PENIS mUncher."

 

PENIS looked back, even more worried and still fingering the tattered guillotine. "IUr, give me big black African cook," he replied.

 

They looked at each other with barmy feelings, like two obedient, ordinary owls chatting at a very greedy Christening, which had trance music playing in the background and two optimistic uncles loving to the beat.

 

Suddenly, IUr lunged forward and tried to punch PENIS in the face. Quickly, PENIS grabbed the tattered guillotine and brought it down on IUr's skull.

 

IUr's fragile arms trembled and her solid legs wobbled. She looked healthy, her body raw like a modern, magnificent map.

 

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later IUr MUm was dead.

 

PENIS mUncher went back inside and made himself a nice glass of brandy.

 

THE END

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